Mosquitoes Bite Me Like I Owe Them Money, Song by Mark Derho
Mosquitoes Bite Me Like I Owe Them Money**
**Verse 1**
I stepped out on the porch just to feel the breeze,
Next thing I know, they’re swarmin’ up around my knees.
One lands on my elbow, one on my tummy —
These mosquitoes bite me like I owe them money!
They circle my head like I’m on their hit list,
Sucking on my arm like it’s an all-you-can-sip fest.
If they had a lawyer, they’d be servin’ me a summons —
Yeah, mosquitoes bite me like I owe them money!
**Chorus**
Ohhh, mosquitoes bite me like I owe them rent,
Like I borrowed fifty bucks and never paid a cent.
Every night they find me — rain or sunny —
These mosquitoes bite me like I owe them money!
Oh, I slap, I swat, I run, ain’t funny —
Still, mosquitoes bite me like I owe them money!
**Verse 2**
My girl sleeps next to me, peaceful like a saint,
Not a single welt — not a single complaint.
She wakes up glowing, I wake up bumpy —
Lookin’ like a Braille edition of Humpty Dumpty.
They chase only me — the chosen one, honey —
Guess mosquitoes bite me like I owe them money!
If karma had wings, it would sound this buzzy —
Feeding like I’m sweet tea mixed with a little bit o’ fuzzy.
**Chorus**
Ohhh, mosquitoes bite me like I owe them rent,
Like I missed three payments and the bank just sent
A swarm of collectors — wings all humming —
Yeah, mosquitoes bite me like I owe them money!
Oh, I dodge, I duck, my slap game funny —
Still, mosquitoes bite me like I owe them money!
**Bridge**
I tried candles, oils, sprays, and potions,
I stood in the yard makin’ anti-mosquito motions.
But they just laugh — “Oh Mark, you funny,”
Then tag-team my ankles like a payday Sunday.
If they had a union, they’d run this town,
Buzzin’ in my ear like, “Pay what you owe, clown!”
**Final Chorus**
Mosquitoes bite me like I owe them rent,
Like I maxed a credit card and never repent.
They’re coming for interest, principal, honey —
Yeah, mosquitoes bite me like I owe them money!
No peace, no sleep, no hidey-hole to run-ny —
’Cause mosquitoes bite me like I owe them money!
**Outro (spoken, dramatic)**
“Look… if y’all wanted a payment plan,
Y’all could’ve just *asked*…”